In this fourth, and final, installment of the Nosedive series, we take a look at what it means to belong from the perspective of Lacie’s context and some of our religious ones. In this particular episode we’ve discussed some of the ways Lacie felt bound by social pressure to gain acceptance in her community. She attempts to get an apartment out of her price range, fakes friendship with a girl who bullied her as a child, and tries to fit into a size four bridesmaid’s dress all to gain acceptance. Lacie was performing, or for the sake of this blog, she was behaving. In all of her efforts to “come up” in her community, what Lacie desired most was to feel like she belonged. She wanted to feel a sense of acceptance from her peers. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs suggests that after we’ve secured sustenance and shelter, our most important need is belonging. In a perfect world, Lacie would belong simply because she exists. However, in her context, living and behaving like those she wanted acceptance from is what would solidify her place in her community.
In the Nosedive episode of the Black Mirror series, Lacie’s community is similar to a lot of religious communities we serve. Most organizations have a “Believe, Behave, Belong” requirement in order to feel accepted. We can belong to the group as long as we believe and adhere to the group rules, or their doctrine. Unfortunately, that approach to belonging isn’t secure. Oftentimes, missteps are judged subjectively and the cost of trying to “keep up” is overwhelming. Most churches require our belief in biblical infallibility. There is no room for questioning scripture in any way. We also adhere to the belief that we give countless amounts of hours to serving church and making sure we’re present for every event. Saying “no” is not an option. We are often required to join various groups or ministries immediately after joining the church. Sometimes new members have to commit to a ministry as part of the orientation process.
I’ve spent the past few months unpacking the nuances of belonging using The Nosedive episode of Black Mirror. What I’ve concluded is the process of belonging is a lot like the show Dancing with the Stars. Growing up in church as a child or even as a new member, you learn to watch and get connected with the professionals. The professionals teach you the dance. They help you get your routine perfected. You learn the dance, or doctrine, you perform it and wait to see what the judges have to say about it. They either like it or they don’t, that’s what determines whether or not you stay in the community. If the judges don’t like your performance, you get rejected and kicked out of the community, just like Dancing with the Stars.
My hope is that each of usl live together in community and keep all of our individuality. All of our dances may be different, but I learn about yours and you learn about mine. Sometimes we do our own dances, and that’s okay. Other times, we may all dance the same dance together like one big flash mob. Not like Dancing with the Stars, where we judge who performed the best, but more like a community of dancers who come together because they have a love for dancing. No one in the community is being forced into conforming to one way because their individual expression isn’t hurting anyone. I truly believe this is what The Divine had in mind when They conceptualized beloved community. So as I wrap up this fourth, and final, installment of the Black Mirror: Nosedive episode, I’d like to invite you to join a community where you don’t have to perform in order to belong.